A Quiz for the Self-Loathing

Step 1) Read through these questions:

How do I impact?
Who do I touch?
What is my spin? My acceleration?
Who keeps track of the Brownian dance?
Do my prayers amount to anything, or am I simply shouting at the ceiling?
Do my words fall on deaf ears, or like piss on your mother's flowerbed do they spoil the soil?
Is the world a better place because I am in it?
Will they ever see through my deception?
Will I ever be discovered?
What will happen when I am?
Will they point and shout "hypocrite!" or will they shrug me off with the other charlatans?
How many ways have I squandered my inheritance?
How many toes have I clumsily crushed? How many hearts?
Am I primarily individual, or primarily part of a collective?
Have I done enough to deserve love?
Will I ever?
Am I pitiful?
Am I strong?
What is the difference between pretending to be strong and actually being strong?
Who will I drag with me when I fall apart?
How do I protect them from me?
Do I need to?

Step 2) Don't try to answer them.

Step 3) Breathe and pray.

Step 4) Remember this:

There is a kind of love that spreads like fire within the hearts of human beings. It is transforming and divine. It is a gift of grace, bestowed by the Trinity through mystical means that I do not understand. We are burned by and burn with this love. We are purified and healed by this love. This love is beyond understanding, and beautiful.

Some of the questions listed above are worth considering, but when wrapped up in the bundle of self-loathing and fear they become contextualized to a self-centered and negative perspective. Many of the above questions are irrelevant to the most important question: are you seeking the truest love? So long as you do that honestly and wholeheartedly, you needn't worry about the rest.

Being broken by the world is like being dropped out of a window in a sandstorm. You're pelted by tiny assaults on every side, sometimes cracking, perhaps even breaking. Eventually, something big comes and you shatter completely, your particles absorbed into the sandstorm, thrashed about in the wind to assault and  break others.

Being broken by God is like being wrapped in a cloth and broken bit by bit. Nothing is lost in the process that wasn't cancerous. Once a thing is broken, it is far easier to re-form. It hurts to be put back together. But, it is good.

Step 5) Live your life with love.