Midnight Wrestling

Yesterday, I had a breakthrough, you can read about it here.

Today, I’m coming down.

Yesterday, I saw myself through the lens of eternity. I saw my God as the awesome being he is.

Today, my biggest problem is, once again, me.

Father, forgive me for being so blind to your love!

Forgive me for forsaking your truth!

Forgive me for being covered in mud!

I want to stand in awe of God, and I want that awe to translate to worship and I want that worship to take the form of action. I want to live every moment as a shout of praise to the merciful one. I want to sing the glory of the only true judge form every high place, be it mountain top or soap box. I want to share in a community fueled by the Fear of God.

I am not afraid of God. I am overwhelmed by the Fear of God.

The Fear of God comes from honestly evaluating my position, which is summed up thus:

God is beyond comprehension and holy. To be holy is to be supreme, perfect, pure. God is the essence of eternity. The fountain of all that is good. The unending ocean of burning sanctity, within which we are each mere flecks of sand. God is nothing to be trifled with.

I am a solitary, rebellious, broken thing. I am insignificantly tiny, and my miniature revolution against the power of God is proportional to my minuteness.

God has every right to flick me off of the face of existence like some parasitic mosquito.

Instead, God extends mercy. Instead, God sacrifices. God opens up his arms to this army of mosquitoes and invites us to be blessed.

How is the little rebel in me to respond?

I do not deserve this grace.

I tremble before the awesome only deity out of respect, thanks, awe, adoration, and an encounter with the edge of my intellect. All of which combine to create this incredible thing. The Fear of God.

When I examine my life, the only things I know that I’ve done right, the only things where my intentions were pure, and I truly have no regrets, were the things that I did out of the Fear of God. The Fear of God leads me to action. The Fear of God gives me a context for my life where I am given the awesome opportunity to interact with eternity while I am yet still temporal!

It’s so easy to forget, isn’t it?

Father, thank you for reminding me where I stand.

Father, thank you.