What, therefore, am I to do?

Last night I lost my cool over a political discussion. I lost control of myself, and I knew it. Thankfully Lauren Oglesby has a far calmer and less partisan head than I do, and, mostly due to her ability to penetrate circularity, the conversation turned away from dogma and to a re-emphasis of our shared goal of Christ-like Love.

This morning I listened to This American Life, as I am wont to do. The topic of the week was "Kid Politics." Each story was about how children of various ages act when they're put into the ostensibly adult position of dealing with political systems and decisions. I lost my cool again, but for a different reason.

Political discourse in the states is polarized and vitriolic, most people will agree with that. I have a perspective that works, but it's far from the absolute answer. I think... I think that's all we have. We base our political ideals (whether we realize it or admit it) on our very limited access to the intellectual frameworks of history, philosophy, and political theory, and on our equally limited experiential knowledge of how human beings get along.

It becomes all-consuming, doesn't it? The political worldviews we're offered are so complete that they can account for every aspect of our public (and many aspects of our private) lives. But... where's the transcendent truth? No political ideology answers the question "Why?" in any satisfactory way.

I have come to realize that my approach to politics have just as much been idols as my approach to my intellectual pursuits, love, and pleasure. The conclusion that I'm slowly coming to is that my passion to effect the world for good is not in itself wrong, but my allegiance to liberal social-constructivist approaches is misplaced. These strategies may lead to good things, I still believe that, but they are not where I place my hope, they can't be.

My allegiance must be first to my God. It doesn't change what I do, but it gives me a why. If I do the things I do because I believe they are the best ways to respond to the grace of God, then I'm one step closer to making the right decision. I'm still fallible, this isn't a formula for perfection, but... I don't really know how to explain it.

I lost it yesterday because I confused my political convictions for my spiritual convictions. I lost it this morning because I realized that, in much of our society, political convictions take the place of spiritual convictions. I don't want to be like that. My spiritual convictions will change my political views, but they are not identical, and I don't have it all figured out.

God is the God of paradox. He is not genderless, he is all genders. He is not raceless, he is all races. He is not  faceless, he is all faces. He is not breathless, he is every breath. He cannot be delineated, or associated with any one group.

"Are you for us, or for our adversaries?"

"No, but as Commander of the army of the Lord I have now come."

I must be more concerned with being allied primarily with God, otherwise I'll end up worshiping images of man. I need humility in this. God is not mine to define, but ours to seek. I need your help to keep on this narrow and winding path, and if we disagree, I hope we will remember that we are both clothed in Christ before we are draped in any flag. I'll probably forget at some points.

This is hard, but I want to do it right.