The Bizarro Scale

I've mentioned before my belief that inside of me, and perhaps everyone, there is a zombie - a creature of appetite, lust, hunger, and pure selfishness. I've also hinted at my belief that I must be Superman. If someone is falling, I must catch them. If someone is hurting, I must heal them. I know that this mentality has issues and can cause problems, but that's not what this is about.

If I contain within my ribcage both a zombie and Superman, and yet I am one and not two, then who I am? Answer: Bizarro.

For those of you unacquainted with Bizarro, he's an unsuccessful attempt at cloning Superman done by Lex Luthor. Bizarro does everything backwards. When he shows up, he says "Goodbye" and when he leaves, he says "Hello." Remember when you were five and you thought how cool a "backwards day" would be? Bizarro celebrates backwards day 24/7. You might recognize the concept from a famous Seinfeld episode. He means well, but he's pretty stupid, also obsessed with being just like superman.

Okay, so here's my thought. If I desire to abandon enlightenment dualism and try to become a fully integrated person, then I need to find a way to account for the two categories of self that I seem to have created. It's not like I switch back and forth between completely zombie and completely Superman. There is a bit of a continuum. I have deemed this the Bizarro Scale, or the Bizarro Spectrum. I haven't decided yet. Either way, it's the BS.

It's a 100 point scale.

100 means I'm completely Superman. Last son of Krypton, god-like powers, messiah complex, the whole shebang.

On a 100 kind of day, I may be seen running around with a cape and winking at pretty girls, especially if they work for a newspaper of some kind.

50 puts me squarely in Bizarro world. I am neither zombie nor Superman, I am both. This is a very strange place to be, and I am often confused, not unlike Bizarro himself.

On a 50 day, I will probably be seen meandering around with my mouth partially open. My comments will probably make no sense, and I could frighten people by saying goodbye to everyone I run into on campus.

A 0 means I'm in full on zombie mode. I am pure appitite and a little bit of bitterness (all zombies are bitter about not being allowed to be alive anymore).

It would be good to avoid me at times like these. I will either try to make out with you, or insult you for my personal enjoyment. Also, if start muttering to myself, you may want to find something to protect your brain, just in case.




Today has been a 20.