Perspective (as in: I need some)

I'm having a hard time coming up with some kind of quasi objective perspective on these multiple branching pathways in front of me. Perhaps I've spent too much time thinking about the pros and cons tonight, or perhaps I need to listen to all the pros and cons a little more often.

Is The Virgin Mary the ever virgin and blessed Theotokos, or is she mother of Jesus and his brother James, among others. Does it really matter? Do the seven ecumenical councils hold the same authority as the scripture they canonized? Were they directed by the Holy Spirit on all matters spiritual, or only on matters pertaining to certain doctrines (which I may choose)?

Why don't we protestants talk about the councils, and the early fathers and mothers? Why don't we talk about the Arian and Nestorian controversies, without which we would not have the doctrine of the incarnation as it stands today, that Christ was fully God and fully human? Why don't we talk about the formation of the scriptures, and the competing canons that were passed around for generations, and why we can trust the canon as it stands?

Am I being seduced by the aesthetics of the church, by the ancient traditions, by the stability of the hierarchical power structure, by the odd comfort of the ethnically distinct communicants? Or, am I actually, really, honestly, truly being drawn to something that is actually, really, honestly, truly sacred, holy and true? Have I found "the one true faith?" Or, am I just attracted to a religious package that's already been assembled for me? No more of this "some doctrinal assembly required" crap. I'm way too lazy for that anymore.

Also, girls. Blech. Sometimes, I just wish that I could be a monk. Unfortunately, I'm a hopeless romantic who's addicted to falling in love and abandoning said lovers. I'm afraid that if I became a monk and devoted myself to the life of the church as a husband to a wife, perhaps I'd just end up abandoning her as well.